This past week my husband and I learned a valuable lesson and let me tell you, it was a hard pill to swallow...
As you know, we traveled to Montana to visit my very best friend and her husband who graciously welcomed us into their home. They urged us to move into the spare bedroom and we decided that would make everything easier so we agreed. I had a feeling deep down that this might be a mistake because they don't have kids (and small kids can be overwhelming when you're not used them) but I ignored the feeling. I just couldn't see us trying to live in a trailer for two weeks with no hookups for waste, electricity and water...so in we went.
It took about 5 days for the situation to explode and then there were fireworks.
This is what happened in a nutshell. My friend Christine began passive-aggressively pointing out flaws in my parenting style (or lack there of) and I completely lost my temper, unleashing my full-blown anger upon her. Once the issue was on the table I can't deny that she had some good points, when she asked me to keep my kids quiet because her husband was sleeping and I told her that "they were quiet now but I couldn't guarantee they would be later." I definitely could have told her I would do everything I could to keep them quiet (which I intended to do) to give her some assurance that her husband would not be disturbed. It's easy to forget that people who don't have kids can't possibly know what it means to live with them. Dan and I tune out a lot of their noise and whiny behavior.
At the end of it we elected to move back into our 5th wheel trailer. It gave us a chance to really consider what to do differently the next time we are invited to stay with friends or family. We decided that we should:
1. Cultivate good communication.
2. Create clear boundaries
3. Avoid taking things personally
1. Cultivate good communication.
2. Create clear boundaries
3. Avoid taking things personally
I have always feared getting outside my comfort zone and letting people see me for who I truly am. This experience left me feeling exposed and my faults were laid out for all to see.
It was Scary. It was Uncomfortable. But it was Necessary.
I'm sure that there will be many more teachable moments along our ventures.
As we travel, we seek and find ourselves.
Here are some pictures from beautiful Montana:
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ReplyDeleteOne thing to remember and to always remember, that at the end of the day, these are your children and you can raise them, parent them and love them the way that works/fits best for you and Dan. Those that do not have children can only say so much, because like you said, they do not know what it is to raise children. Someone attacking/pointing out your "bad parenting" or "lack of parenting" isn't doing you a favor they are just making a statement on a situation they have no idea of. It's always so easy to say I wouldn't do it this way or that way, but we as parents know all too well that once you are in the situation you rarely handle/deal with it the way you thought you would. Kodos to you for the reflection and growth you are taking from this experience.
ReplyDeleteThank you Lauren. Yes, I remember judging others on their parenting before I had my own kids and I had clear opinions on how I would raise my own kids...hahaha! I just didn't know how hard it really is to do it.
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